The Fellowship of the 2017 C-Class

2017 Mercedes-Benz C-Class Release Date

Long before time, the Mercedes-Benz C-Class erupted into existence. Some scientists theorize that it was created by a large explosion of condensed matter. Others pretend the question doesn’t exist. Theories aside, its origins remain unknown to this day.

Battle: C-Class vs. E-Class

For many eons, the C-Class was alone, aimlessly wandering through time and space. It was not until this year that the world began to ruminate the looming presence of the C-Class. “How are we supposed to get any work done around here with that staring us in the face?”, said one disgruntled patron as he pointed upward at the approaching C-Class. Another man questions, “When is the 2017 Mercedes-Benz C-Class release date?” Mass hysteria ensues.

It was obvious that something had to be done, and the people of Stuttgart had their work cut out for them. The 2016 C-Class was heavy and weak. The 2017 C-Class has the strength of 241 stallions and the courage of a semi-autonomous driving system. If the world was going to prepare itself for the release date, it was going to have to do something fast.

Fast

Impossible. The C-Class is too fast. No matter what the people tried, they could not overcome the power of the 2.0-liter turbocharged engine. Perhaps they will outwit the impetuous beast.

Gallery: 2017 C-Class Photos

Smart

Perhaps not! The C-Class laughs at the worlds greatest warriors as it autonomously maintains a safe distance behind them at speeds up to 124 miles per hour. DISTRONIC PLUS with Steering Assist is just one of the hundreds of tricks the C-Class picked up so far in its eternal life.

Panoramic Sunroof

Alas, an opportunity! Just when all hope is lost, the Sport Appearance Package arrives with a sunroof among the likes of which no one has ever seen. Even the mega-boss C-Class cannot resist special AMG bumpers and 18-inch alloy wheels.

Release Date

For now, we are saved. The C-Class opted for the Sport Appearance Package and retreated into a nearby galaxy. Before it left, it dropped one crippling threat that leaves the world hanging from a cliff. As it burned through the mesosphere it cried, “I’ll be back in the spring of 2016 at dealerships all around the world! Then again in the summer with a 3.0-liter twin-turbo V6!”.

Will we be able to defend ourselves against its omnipotent opulence? Will the AIRMATIC air suspension continuously adjust damping on the front and rear axles? Will Frodo make it to Mordor? Tune in next time for another installment of,

Le Coupe de Enfer!